Do you remember most of your behaviours when you were a child? Can you remember most of the things you saw your father do to your mum either positive or negative? Have you wondered why most boys grow up as women abusers? Do you know why most boys humiliate and assault women emotionally without control or empathy, yet proud of their escapade? Why is our society and communities full of disrespectful young men and married men? Why do many men regard women as nothing and yet without women, there won’t be any man or population?
I have observed, I have watched and I can say, this is not right. Most of the behaviours that the men are expressing today, could be due to the way, they saw their mum been treated as a modern slave. Others are culture heritage or so-called religious beliefs that have relegated women to almost nothing.
Interestingly, we have good men out there, who will do whatever to protect and cherish a woman regardless of race, gender or family background. Women are absolutely and hugely essential for the survival of human race. We cannot continue to pretend that women have no right and are nothing only for reproduction and for emotional satisfaction when needed. No wonder, even the most highly placed individuals have misunderstood the fundamental essence of a woman. Sometimes, I wonder, how were these men trained or raised from their parents’ home?
Anyway, lets come back to the main point of this article. Training a boy in the right perspective with practical and visible examples are the most effective. Fathers need to be seriously involved in the training of their sons in a loving and modelling fashion. You don’t just give orders to your son while your life is saying something different. Such examples are:
You tell your son, not to hit or kick anyone? Do you hit or kick your wife or hurt other ladies?
You tell them not to use bad words on people. Do you use kind words on your wife or you poison her with your shouting and intimidating voice of fury?
You tell them not to watch pornography or watch erotic movies? Do you not watch pornography or feed on other ladies beside your wife?
You tell them not to use abusive words or foul language. Do you not use foul language all the time and justify it that is for adult only?
You tell them not to smoke or use drugs. Do you not smoke and use drugs yourself for recreational purposes and the falsely acclaim stress reliever?
You tell them not to lie. Do you not lie by telling them to tell the visitor, you are not home while you are in bedroom?
You tell them not to get angry. Do you not get angry at everything and even threaten to kill their mum because she didn’t finish cooking before you arrived home?
You tell them to read their bible. Do you regularly read it yourself?
You tell them not to have bad friends. Do you not keep bad companion that influences you to become unfaithful to your wife?
You tell them to read their books. Do you still read today regularly or you justify it by saying you have read in the university but now, no more reading?
You tell them to believe in their God’s given abilities, yet you are so fearful and timid about doing anything to better your life even though you know what to do?
You tell them to go to church. But you rarely go because you feel that is not necessary since you can get it on YouTube or watch it at your convenience or stay at home watching football match on the TV?
I can go on and on without even really exhausting the list. The key point here is that, are you a true model of good behaviour? You talk a lot but do so little. The best way for a child or your son to learn is to model or become the real living example that, they can see and emulate. Boys emulate their fathers a lot. The boys of today will soon become the fathers of your grand kids tomorrow. If you don’t invest in them today, you might influence a whole generation negatively.
Other ways to help to train a child in a more consolidated and positive ways are:
- Be a mentor to your child by coaching him and not over controlling
- Be a great listener and respond accordingly to their needs with love
- Put a routine in place and set boundaries with clear consequences if crossed
- Discipline your child with love and don’t hurt or maim the child in the name of correction
- Understand your sons love language and respond to his needs accordingly
- Develop family rituals that foster connection like bike riding, family games, family weekly grocery, lake fun fishing, family drawing competition, etc.
- Be your child best friend otherwise, they will look for companionship and media for answers and clues to their questions
- Have boys time together and give them 100% attention when it’s their moment
- Be patient with your son and don’t treat him as an adult. Remember a child is a child.
- Use positive words on your child and never use negative words or self-demoting and self-abating words on them
- Give constructive feedback’s and support them where necessary
- Treat them the way you will like to be treated.
- Acknowledge your mistake and error when you are clearly wrong about something. Be humble to say I am sorry to your child and ask for forgiveness, so that you don’t lose the trust and connection you have built with them
- Remember, never call your child useless or stupid because your words are powerful to turn them into what was not meant to be. Please be wise with your words.
- Spend quality time with your boy always and answer every question they have for a better understanding of life in general. Avoid putting off answering of their questions no matter how simple or complicated
If you don’t have a child yet, you will have one someday. But if you feel you don’t want a child for whatever reason. Please be a good father to the fatherless around you. Be a good ambassador of good training and support for children with challenging behaviors.
For those who are doing well today, dont relent on your effort because you will reap great reward by blessing a lady with a good and godly man tomorrow. Continue the good work to make your boys great wonders of their time.
There is no point reading this article and then you don’t do anything about it. You need to identify What you can start doing now to help a boy to grow up as a good and respectable man for a precious woman tomorrow with the right attitude towards women. Also, the men should know they will give account of the boys that was in their custody here on earth before God.
Wishing you a happier parenting, as you endeavour to make any changes required of you and to implement these suggestions in your home immediately.
God bless you all. You can share if you wish.