My Marriage anniversary was this week and it was a moment of reflection, marriage performance review and action plan for the coming year and beyond. I believe happiness in marriage is what we all want and to be fulfilled with high degree of satisfaction in our relationship. I have been married for only 9 years and I can say that, it’s been rewarding but not without a price to pay.
“Happily, ever after” can be achieved in real life just as it does in fairy tales. Although, it isn’t something that is reached from one minute to the next, as we are constantly told from the movies. It comes from numerous small actions and decisions rightly made. Great marriages are not built over night, it takes time and a lot of effort to make it great.
We don’t have to wait until the end of the story for happiness to be realised. On the contrary, we must seek it out daily. Wise attitudes will contribute to happiness for both partners, and a good dose of sensitivity allows us to find it in the simplest of things.
Check out these simple but profound tips that can help any couple find happiness and stay satisfied in their relationship forever. These tips are what I do and I do it with joy and enthusiasm:
• Don’t put off happiness
• Be grateful and show it to your spouse
• Trust and be trustworthy
• Avoid unnecessary arguments. Settle each misunderstanding maturely. Dont be hash to your spouse to the extent, you are speaking or behaving like a Lion. Be a lamb to each other. Have a healthy debate over things to filter each person’s opinion and viewpoints before things escalate to a regrettable state
• Show your love physically
• Be honest in your finances. Don’t spend like there is no tomorrow. Be frugal and spend wisely. Discuss about major purchases and investment.
• Surprise your spouse. Don’t have a static marriage life but rather, have a dynamic marriage life, where creativity thrives.
• Appreciate each other and also support in house chores. House work is not meant for women alone. Please, men help your wives and don’t take them for granted by crossing your legs on the table while, she does everything for you as if , she doesn’t deserve some support.
• Be supportive to each other and not just when you feel like. Do it all the time.
• Walk in the same direction and make decisions mutually. Don’t be the only one making decisions in your marriage alone. Your marriage is not a military barrack, where orders are given and not taken by the order giver. Don’t be autocratic and heady to your spouse.
• Be the same person you were while in courtship when you are trying to win her or him.
• Talk with each other and discuss about everything
• Be selfless and genuinely help each other
• Be faithful in your thoughts, words and actions
• Constantly Say thank you for the little things.
• Practice honesty, even when you’re ashamed. Expose yourself to your spouse and don’t make your marriage a secret hiding place. Trust me, it won’t help you tomorrow.
• Take care of your appearance and look presentable to your Queen OR King. Dont look shabby and unkept. Project a welcoming odour and not repulsive. If you need medical help, please go and get one.
• Foster relationships outside your marriage with likeminded people
• Watch your words and never speak words that hurts or bring your spouse down. Take scores of the good things your spouse has been doing for you and in the relationship.
• Be kind, polite and be intentional in treating your spouse well
• Laugh together and endeavour to let go of things that holds you back from enjoying each other’s company
• Don’t let trivial things become big issues. Deal with it and move on
• Greet your partner lovingly in the morning, evening and at all times
• Be realistic with your relationship expectations
• Sorry should not be the hardest word in your marriage. However, don’t abuse the word sorry, by repeatedly hurting your spouse intentionally and then saying sorry. That kind of sorry doesn’t have meaning anymore. When you say sorry, try not to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
• Make sure you express your sense of humour and please don’t be a boring spouse
• Don’t consider your spouse a fixer-upper of all your life needs in 24 hours, otherwise you will leave him or her, when those expectations are not met
• Expect your marriage to be a nice long road trip with smooth stretches and unpaved areas, hills, curves, valleys, ditches and quite a few speed bumps and potholes. Every now and again you might need to fix the engine and find a good mechanic, but don’t forget to stop at the viewpoints, enjoy the scenery, pack good snacks and take a lot of pictures.
• Be nicer and more compassionate to each other than to anyone else.
• If you have children, don’t make them the total focus of your marriage. They’re important and distracting and they’ll require a lot of your attention, but they’ll only be with you for about 20 years. Your spouse will be with you for life.
• Have your own interests, activities, friends and career. However, support each other in their dreams.
• Each spouse should work and contribute money to the household if possible. In the case this is not possible. Please be respective and treat the other spouse with dignity, knowing that looking after kids and being a home maker is also a full-time job. Don’t be insensitive.
• Pray regularly together. Plain and simple.
• Compliment your partner at the end of the day.
• Reunite with a hug, kiss and etc…
• Express your needs from a place of vulnerability.
• Create time for each other, no matter how busy you are each day or week as the case maybe.
Lastly but not the least- Set marriage boundaries with the opposite gender to prevent affair in your marriage. Each marriage relationship can be affair proof if each partner’s needs are met intentionally with respect and deep-seated affection and care. Affair is prohibited, forbidden and must not be allowed to enter your relationship. It shows no mercy when activated.
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Check out my book on marriage here- What Can I do To Make My Marriage Work? Book On Amazon.